I guess I should have an “About Me.” This will be a brief (though not really) summary of my journey, with quite a lot left out.
As a child, I was at church every Sunday, without fail. Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, me, all dressed in our very best. Daddy was an usher, Mommy ran Sunday School. I regularly called Jesus my best friend, even when I was mocked at school. Cue middle school. Not only I, but my entire family was suddenly too busy for church; apathy took the place of adoration. Depression set in, something I have struggled with for years since. Death seemed my best option –the only reason I am still here today is that I could never bring myself to hurt my family by making them be the ones to find my body. I became an expert at going through the motions, pretending to be my mother’s “little ray of sunshine,” even though I alternated between complete emotional numbness and sadness so deep the knife or starvation became a comfort.
Then my three your old cousin, my little angel, was diagnosed with kidney cancer when I was sixteen. I needed answers, I needed support, I needed to somehow make sense of this tragedy that had befallen my family. I started going back to church, first without my family, then gradually they came too. I fell back in love with the Lord, realizing that he had been there all along, all through my struggles, waiting for me to recognize his presence in my life. And I haven’t looked back.
That isn’t to say that it isn’t a struggle to maintain my faith. I have faltered more than I care to admit. But I have never forgotten that realization, that He will never leave my side. He is my everything; my life is for Him. This blog is my attempt to enjoy college without losing sight of that. I engage in activities that I’m sure most of you do not approve of in the least. I love a good rum and coke, I have kissed boys I had no romantic interest in (two to be exact), I swear like a sailor. But none of those impact the deep, consuming love I have for the Lord, our God. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, anything at all, I would love to hear from you.
(Side note: Yes, I struggle with my depression to this day. That will play a very large role in this blog, as I try to keep afloat with the help of my Savior.)